How to Set the Mood for Using Sex Toys

introduce sex toys to partner

New to using adult toys? No matter your level of sexual experience, the thought of buying and using your first toy might still make you feel uncomfortable, awkward or intimidated. The good news is that all of those feelings are very common, completely normal and easy to overcome. Try a few of these tips to put your mind at ease, relax your body and make even more space for pleasure in your sex life:

Think about what you already like, want and need. Every body is different — and there’s a sex toy for every body. Take some time to reflect on how your body responds to touch: do you prefer strong clitorial simulation? Light anal play? Focus on whatever makes you feel good; then, narrow down your search to toys that ramp it up a notch. 

Toys are all about pleasure, so factor in ergonomics and aesthetics to your toy search. A toy shouldn’t feel unnecessarily unwieldy, and you’re less likely to play with a toy that doesn’t look good to you. Toys come in all shapes, sizes, colors and designs, so choose the ones that appeal to you most.

Buy a quality lube. It’s important to make yourself as comfortable as possible when you’re trying out new toys. Lube reduces the friction between the toy and your body, enhancing your pleasure (refer to our lube guide for a more in-depth look at choosing the best lube for your toy). This holds especially true for anal toys, since the anus and rectum don’t produce any natural lubricant.

Organize your toys. Don’t just shove them in a drawer, either; get a proper container. It doesn’t have to be expensive, especially if your toy collection is small. Even a plastic box in your favorite color or a satin bag will do.

Additionally, minimize stress around charging your toys. Most modern toys use USB chargers, so get a charging block and set it up separately from your other electronics. Clean and charge your toys after every use so that they’re always ready to go!

Indulge all your senses. Pleasure is a multifaceted experience. Now that you’re ready to use your toy, make an event out of it and get all of your senses involved. Set up a date night with yourself like you would with a new partner, and set the mood with music, lighting, candles, scents, XXX videos or reading — whatever turns you on the most. 

Talk about toys with your partner if you’re going to use them together. No matter your partner’s level of experience with using sex toys, it’s important that you’re both on the same page so that you have a great experience together. 

We recommend that you tell your partner what you’d like them to do with the toy as a form of foreplay. Another always-hot move is to let them watch you use the toy on yourself.

If your partner feels intimidated by introducing toys into your relationship, let them play with the toy on their own so that they get familiar with it. Some people even feel insecure about using sex toys, because they’re worried it will “replace” them. If that’s the case, reassure your partner you want to use toys to enhance each other’s pleasure and deepen your intimacy.

Nothing should stop you from enjoying your sex life to the fullest. Once you’re comfortable with bringing sex toys in the bedroom, there’s no limit to the pleasure, fun and intimacy you’ll experience.

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