Do you have fantasies about blindfolding your partner and having your way with them, teasing and surprising them with new pleasurable (or painful) sensations? Is your partner intrigued—but a little nervous?
While blindfolding is a common, easy-to-enact fantasy, it can also cause anxiety for the partner being blindfolded. As with all things kinky, it’s not something you should rush into. But with the right preparation and trust-building, blindfolding can become an intensely erotic and blissfully vulnerable experience for you and your partner.
Talk it through first.
There’s a difference between helping your partner do something they’re intrigued by but nervous about, and pushing them to do something they’re not ready for.
Check in with your partner about how they feel about blindfolding. Reassure your partner that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do, and always respect their limits and safe words.
Find the right blindfold.
As with all sex toys and props, blindfolds come in all shapes, sizes, colors and textures to suit a huge variety of preferences. That being said, you and your partner are almost guaranteed to find the perfect blindfold for your first time.
Fit is one of the most important qualities to consider when you’re choosing a blindfold. It should fit securely enough over your partner’s eyes that it doesn’t slip down, but not so tight that it causes discomfort. For that reason, we recommend getting an adjustable one so you can customize it to your partner’s body.
Next, consider aesthetics. Strict-looking leather or other “classic” BDSM materials might be intimidating for a first timer. If your partner would like a blindfold with a more inviting aesthetic, a silky sash will do the trick; just make sure the texture isn’t too slippery.
On the other hand, your partner might actually feel comforted by a blindfold that feels extra-firm, durable and secure. In that case, a leather blindfold with foam padding is a great choice.
(Pro tip: if your partner has long hair, wearing it up will make for an easier blindfold fitting.)
Do something non-sexual with the blindfold on.
Being blindfolded can be psychologically intense, and if your partner is anxious, they will definitely benefit from a “test run.”
While your partner is blindfolded, do an intimate activity together like cuddling or making out. Let them get used to the sensation of blindfolding without the added intensity and vulnerability of sex or a BDSM scene.
Then, once the blindfold is off again, ask them about their experience. Have them tell you what sensations seemed heightened as well as about the emotions they felt or anxious thoughts they had.
Out of this conversation, you can develop a more detailed plan for what you will and won’t do during blindfolded sex or a BDSM scene. (See our post on planning a BDSM scene for more ideas on how to incorporate a blindfold into your sex life).
With trust, patience and communication, you can help your partner get past their anxiety about blindfolding and share an intimate, erotic experience that will take your sex life to the next level.